


With the Ear of Your Heart

by ruethedaze



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Catholic Character, Catholic Education, Catholic School, F/F, Homophobia, HwangShin, ITZY AU, Internalized Homophobia, Ria - Freeform, sort of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21763369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruethedaze/pseuds/ruethedaze
Summary: When Lia is assigned to help the new girl in their class, she believes that she will find nothing more than fulfillment and a new friendship on this task. But when she discovers more about herself and the world in the process of being Ryujin's student keeper, can she reconcile with the changes around and in her?
Relationships: Choi Jisu | Lia/Shin Ryujin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Before this story was written, I had a playlist made to set my mood into finally writing it. You may access it [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5uN3StsEwQJycXwhfg8Btr?si=t1JENXyOR4aogSYbHcFAqw) and listen to it as well whilst reading.
> 
> Talk me to on Twitter: [@ryujintheday](https://twitter.com/ryujintheday)

“Today, we are going to talk about praying,” Ms. Desiree said to her class, an eager group of third graders whose energies still needed to be contained and whose attentions still needed some working. “Do you girls pray every single day?”

The pupils sing-songed an affirmative reply, their yeses echoing inside the four walls of the room. Ms. Desiree nodded in approval. “That is very good! When do you usually pray? Raise your hand if you want to answer.”

A number of eager hands shot up as they awaited to be called by their teacher. Lia’s hands rested on her armchair, and not because she did not pray, nor she had no answer. She just wanted to gauge if her peers prayed as many times as she did.

“Yes, Chaeryeong?” Ms. Desiree nodded at the girl at the middle row whose hair was tied in pigtails. Lia knew that Chaeryeong that had an answer that would please their teacher. She would often see Chaeryeong and her family attending the anticipated mass every Saturday, the same way her family did every time they had a full day during Sunday, their family day.

Chaeryeong stood up before answering. “I pray many, many times in one day!”

Ms. Desiree followed up from her answer. “Do you pray alone or with your family and friends?”

“Both!”

“That is good, Chaeryeong. Okay, you may now take a seat.”

Chaeryeong, satisfied with her answer, smiled as she sat down.

“Now,” Ms. Desiree stepped on the platform and started scanning her students as her heels clanked on the wooden surface. “Can someone tell me their favorite prayers?”

Another group of hands were raised, some of them including those who had not been called from before. Lia still did not raise her hand and again, not because she didn’t know what to answer. It’s just that she had no name for her favorite prayer, and a part of her did not want her classmates to know what it was.

“Let’s hear your favorite answer…” Ms. Desiree drawled as she squinted at her students, eyeing those at the back of the classroom. “Yes, Ms. Hwang?”

Yeji, one of the tallest girls in the room, stood up with her chin slightly raised—a natural posture for Yeji Hwang. Lia looked back at her and smiled. She was Lia’s friend, and she marveled at how Yeji was always confident looking.

“My favorite prayer is the rosary,” Yeji answered. Her tone was formal yet not that serious. She was just really sure of her answer. “I love praying it especially when I am the leader.”

Lia chuckled quietly at her friend and so did Ms. Desiree. “When do you pray the rosary?”

“Every night before going to bed,” Yeji replied.

“Do you pray with your family, Yeji?” Ms. Desiree asked, smiling at her student.

Yeji nodded. “Yes, Ms. Desiree. They always tell me that ‘a family that prays together, stays together forever and ever, amen!’ But we also sometimes pray with our neighbors.”

A laughed escaped from Ms. Desiree, making Yeji grin. “That’s true, so always pray with your family, okay? You may now sit down. All right, young ladies, please get your book and turn it to page…”

* * *

The class went by as faster Lia thought it would. Their Christian Living Education subject was right before their lunch time, and usually, she had her mind set to her meals than to their current topic in class. However, today was different; she enjoyed their discussion about prayer.

Ms. Desiree always made sure to clear all the students of Grade Three – Saint Martha before exiting herself, so she was always last in the room. Lia knew this, so she walked slowly, waiting until there was no one but her and her teacher in the room.

“Lia, your friends are waiting for you. Are your feet in pain?” Ms. Desiree asked with concern.

“No, Ms. Desiree,” Lia replied, clutching her bulky, pink Barbie Fairytopia lunchbox. “I-I just have a question for you.”

“Oh, why did you not ask it a while ago during class?” Ms. Desiree looked at Lia.

Lia shrugged. “I don’t know, I think it’s personal.”

“Okay, let me hear your question.”

“Hmmm…what’s your favorite prayer, Ms. Desiree?” Lia inquired, her voice sounding softer.

Ms. Desiree smiled at her. “Let’s walk together while I answer your very good question.”

Lia also wanted to ask her teacher why she would always say that all their questions were good for her, but she made a mental note to just ask her mother first. She did not want to press Ms. Desiree for more answers.

Ms. Desiree’s steps were small and slow, and Lia’s legs tried to follow her pace. As she walked beside her teacher, Lia wondered if Ms. Desiree’s height had something to do with her pace. She observed that she was almost as tall her, only an inch or two before she exceeded her teacher’s height; and she was only in third grade.

“Well, my favorite prayer…” Ms. Desiree started speaking, breaking Lia’s brief moment of mental inquiry. “Is called The Serenity Prayer.”

“The Serenity Prayer?” Lia repeated, making sure that she got it right.

Ms. Desiree nodded. “Wait, let me check if I have a copy of it in my notebook.”

They stopped at middle of the corridor, just a few footsteps away from another classroom who still had another class going on from the sounds of chorused answers that could be heard from outside.

“Here you go,” Ms. Desiree extended her arm towards Lia as she gave her a small piece of paper with a small printed copy of her favorite prayer. “You can have it.”

“Thank you, Ms. Desiree,” Lia replied as she accepted it with both hands. “But don’t you need this copy for praying later?” she asked.

“Oh, I’ve memorized it.” Ms. Desiree chuckled. “It’s my favorite prayer after all.”

“Then why do you carry a printed copy?” Lia asked, her hesitation of asking dissipating into thin air. “Do you forget your favorite prayer even if it’s your favorite one?”

“Sometimes,” Ms. Desiree replied. “But I carry a copy inside my notebook so that when people ask me the same question that you did a while ago, I can give them not only my answer, but also offer them a copy if they want to pray my favorite prayer, too.”

Lia fiddled with the piece of paper between her fingers, holding it the way their classmate, Bernadine, held her fake shuriken during their Naruto role plays.

“Why is this your favorite prayer?” Lia inquired. “You don’t like the rosary?”

“I do love the rosary, but the Serenity prayer is a prayer that summarizes everything I need to say to God,” Ms. Desiree explained. “Sometimes, when I speak to God using my own words, I fail. So, I pray to God using that.”

“What do you call a prayer that we make on our own?” Lia asked once again. They were just by the faculty room—Ms. Desiree’s destination—when Lia asked the question.

“That’s actually our lesson for next week, Lia,” Ms. Desiree, smiled as she turned the knob of the faculty room’s door. “Can I expect an answer from you next week?”

“Okay, I will try,” Lia said, unsure. “Thank you for this, Ms. Desiree.”

“You’re welcome,” Ms. Desiree replied. “Enjoy your weekend.”

“You, too, Ms. Desiree.”

She looked at the piece of paper and for a brief time, debated where she could keep it away from loss and damage. Lia worried that if she kept it inside her pocket, she might lose it while playing Chinese garter with her friends. If inside her lunch box, it might get greasy. She decided that it would be best to insert it between her ID and its navy-blue case, so it would be safe from being lost and crumpled.

She wore the strap of her lunch box around her neck and dragged her ID lace to get the card caged in its protection case. She slid down the ID case slowly, then centered the piece of paper at the back of the card. Lia’s thumb held it in place as she carefully slid the case back up.

Once she fixed her ID, she detached the lunchbox from her body and held it again using her hand. She started walking again towards her friends, this time with a faster pace that matched her excitement as she thought about the game time that came right after finishing their lunch meals. 


	2. Hospitality

_"Hospitality is a call to openness, a gesture exemplifying support to one's weakness through patience and understanding. Being open to a new idea, person, or experience without judgment but instead carrying allowance for mistakes is a key to practicing hospitality in the midst of our daily lives." —_ Scholastican Values for the Modern Scholastican

* * *

Lia always loved the first day of school. To her, it was the perfect chance of redemption from all her deficiencies from the previous school year. Although it was entirely a new school year, Lia could not help but think about how now more than ever, the continuity of her journey mattered, especially as it was nearing its end.

It was her Senior Year, and she already had everything planned so meticulously even before Junior Year ended—her prospect universities, her game plan as a student outreach representative and as an editor-in-chief, and her schedule in order to fit the balance of work and leisure in her last year in the institution.

That was why when things suddenly go disarray just by one bit in her planner, it worried her. It worried her that she wouldn’t have much time to fix one thing and still proceed with another task. She was scared that she would fail to live her life the most that she could with the little time she had left. As much as she was a warrior in multitasking, she was also a worrier.

“[…] Then you, Lia, will stay behind and make sure that all students have mobilized going to the church,” Yeji directed. Although she and Lia were friends, both of them took their jobs seriously and treated each other professionally in front of the other officers. Like Lia, Yeji also had her own game plan; this included becoming the most impactful student council officer in the history of St. Scholastica’s School for Girls.

Yeji then proceeded to the communion taskings, not even bothering to confirm if Lia understood her task. Again, it was part of their dynamics—Yeji knew that Lia knew what she was doing, and vice versa. It was unspoken form of communication proven and tested by the longevity of their friendship.

“We’ll also be the last ones to exit the church later because again, we need to make sure that everyone is with their class. Understood?” Yeji looked at her fellow officers, offering them a small smile.

Lia couldn’t help but chuckle at the response of the younger officers who were obviously still overwhelmed by how serious Yeji took her assignment as the president of the student council. Yeji was cool and chatty in their term planning and team building activities, but today she saved her time by letting go of unnecessary reactions and words.

A chorus of nods and soft yesses responded to Yeji. “All right,” Yeji said. “Let’s go.”

The officers dispersed to different directions for their different tasks. Lia climbed down the staircase more calmly than her fellow officers as she didn’t need to rush unlike them. She still needed to be here five minutes till the start of the Mass in order to ensure that no student was left in all of the classrooms.

She has just walked past the intermediate landing of the staircase when she felt a soft tap on her right shoulder. Lia turned around and saw a girl who carried a lost expression on her face.

 _New student_ , Lia thought as she observed that the girl was not wearing the same gala uniform that she was wearing today nor the ordinary ruffled blouse and navy-blue skirt that the preschool and grade school students would wear during masses. _Or a late enrollee,_ she followed up in her head.

The girl, instead, was wearing a white blouse with a black ribbon around the collar, a pair of black skinny jeans, and flats that were also black but had some gold chains on them. A maroon satchel was on her shoulder, making her look like a lost traveler.

“Hi, would you mind helping me out? I’m new here,” the girl said to Lia, laughing nervously.

Lia sported her practiced default smile, an expression she learned to wore as an officer. “No, not at all. What do you need help with?” she asked, looking up at the girl. She was a few steps above Lia.

“Uhhh, I’m actually looking for the room of section St. Humbeline…”

Lia’s eyebrows raised in curiosity as she heard her own section being mentioned by the girl. “You’re a senior?” she asked.

The girl nodded. “Are you?” she asked back.

“Yes,” Lia replied, laughing. “Actually, we’re in the same section and our room’s just at the end of the hall,” she pointed to her right.

“Great, thanks!” the girl replied, motioning to leave.

“But!” Lia raised her voice, stopping the girl. “You can’t go inside anymore. We have to be in the church by now.”

“Oh,” the girl said in reply. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Lia replied, smiling. “Walk with me? Everyone’s expected to attend the mass for the start of the school year.”

“Okay.”

Lia and the girl walked down the staircase together, both of them silent on their way to the church.

“We pass by this shortcut every time there’s a mass,” Lia spoke, trying to the break the silence.

“Right,” the girl replied, her head turning left and right as she observed her surroundings.

“I take that you haven’t been around the campus?” Lia asked, eyeing the girl with curiosity.

“I’ve only been to the main building, in the guidance counselor’s office during my admission assessment,” the girl replied. “I didn’t want to tour around until I got admitted.”

“Well, now you can do it,” Lia said as she motioned for the girl to pass by the narrow staircase first. She nodded and walked past Lia. “You’re a student here now. If you need someone to help you know about the school, you can ask me.”

“Thanks, I’ll take note of that…” the girl drawled, then turned to Lia and stopped walking. Lia stopped as well, their shoulders almost touching as they barely fit on the walkway. “Uh, what’s your name again?”

“Lia,” Lia replied, extending her right hand to the girl. “My name’s Lia.”

The girl looked at Lia’s hand as she bit her lip. She smiled nervously and said, “U-um, I’m sorry I don’t do introductory handshakes.”

“Oh,” Lia chuckled, taking back her hand. She tried to smile back politely to feign nonchalance, but something in her felt taken aback by the girl’s hesitation to accept her hand. A part of her felt like she wasn’t going to like this girl so much.

“I’m Ryujin,” the girl spoke, attempting to recover from the growing awkwardness. “Nice to meet you, Lia.”

Lia nodded and started walking again, still fazed at the hint of rudeness from this new girl. It was a common etiquette taught to them that a handshake was in order in meeting new people, a sign of welcoming an individual’s presence. What was so wrong for offering her hand that it needed to be rejected?

She heard Ryujin following behind her as they entered the church. There were still murmurs and sounds coming from the students as they were still being settled down by their respective advisers.

“Our classmates are there, on the right side,” Lia told Ryujin, barely glancing at her from behind. She pointed at the farthest side of the church where a group of young ladies were slowly settling themselves in the pews. “You can go to them now. I won’t be there, though, because I’m an officer, so I stay here.”

She gestured her thumb to point at an area by the church’s side entrance where Ryujin and Lia had just set foot into. It was the baptism area, where a font was attached to the wall. It could fit more than ten babies inside with its size, and students liked to joke that it was a cauldron for magic spells.

“C-can I sit with you instead?” Ryujin asked, making Lia turn around to eye her.

The judgement on Lia’s eyes was readable now, as she didn’t try to conceal her expression with a smile. “Are you sure?” she asked. “It’s pretty dark here and I’m on door duty.”

“I’ll be quiet, I promise,” Ryujin raised her right hand as if swearing. “You won’t even know that I’m here.”

“O-okay,” Lia said with hesitation. It’s not like she really wanted to be alone. She didn’t mind, but it would feel better if someone was with her.

She looked behind her and saw the stack of white monobloc chairs in the corner. She pulled out two chairs and arranged them a few inches away from the baptism font, just by the pillars making an invisible wall to separate the baptism area from the section of the church lined with pews. Lia looked at Ryujin and pointed at the chair beside her.

“Sit here,” she said to her quietly. “I’m here usually to check if the students who go to the bathroom come back to their seats.”

Ryujin replied observantly with a drawling “oh” as she looked at the frosted glass door of the church. Her eyes travelled around the place, eyeing the simple color scheme of the church. It was all white with some wooden brown accents from the pews to its doors. The tiles were made out of light brown marble, and the textured walls added appeal to the otherwise plain church. The only colorful part of the church was the windows at the top of the left and side walls. Ryujin recognized the images formed by the stained-glass designs as the stations of the cross, a prayer routine where the participants needed to go to every station to mimic the journey of Jesus Christ towards his suffering, death, and resurrection.

She turned to Lia hoping to tell her that the church was beautiful, but Lia had her eyes closed. If Ryujin hadn’t recognized that look of someone praying, she would’ve thought that Lia was actually sleeping. She could see with Lia’s furrowed eyebrows and her pressed lips that she was praying fervently. The look on Lia’s face made Ryujin smile as she continued looking at her the whole time. When she saw Lia finally changing her expression and opening her eyes, Ryujin averted her gaze and stared at the ceiling quietly.

As Lia absentmindedly stared at the practicing students led by their music teacher, she felt the guilt inside of her building up because of the judgment she had brought herself up to feel for Ryujin. _It was just a handshake,_ Lia thought to herself. _I need to remind myself that perhaps, Ryujin is not like me. I shouldn’t judge her quickly._ Besides, as she glanced at Ryujin whose head could not quite keep her head still from looking at the church, Lia thought that Ryujin was keeping her promise to keep silent; and for that she was grateful.

Ryujin did keep her promise. She was quiet even if Lia barely stifled a laugh with the priest’s funny remarks during the homily. If Lia wasn’t at all aware of Ryujin being beside her, she would’ve thought that she was just by herself.

She observed that it wasn’t an awkward silence either. It was more of they were not bothered by the quietness and stillness unlike when Lia was seated beside Yeji, or her other friends and classmates. Of course, they knew each other too well, and a little chat or two went unnoticed by their teachers, so it was just fine.

But now, Lia did not mind if everything was just too quiet and too still, besides the busyness at the altar and at the choir area. She felt like she needed this comfortable silence, of being with someone and not minding filling the gap with conversation. Maybe it was the church’s ambiance, or the situation that they were celebrating the mass, or maybe it was Ryujin, but Lia certainly appreciated worrying not of trying to speak.

When the priest uttered, “At the Savior’s command and formed by diving teaching, we dare to say…” Lia stood straighter and extended her hands, preparing for the singing of the Lord’s Prayer. She wasn’t used to not holding the hands of the people next to her, and she _did_ want to hold Ryujin’s hand out of practice, but hesitated as she remembered how Ryujin didn’t do introductory handshakes.

She was about to sing along with the choir when she felt fingers snaking on hers, a hand gently gripping her own. Lia looked at Ryujin with questioning eyes, then brought her gaze back at their intertwined hands.

She thought that she was one to judge Ryujin for not taking her handshake, but as their hands were skin to skin, a part of her wanted to pull her hand out. Something in her felt like what she, no scratch that, _they_ were doing was wrong; and whatever comfort that the silence they once shared together dissipated into thin air when Ryujin held Lia’s hand.

Yet a part of Lia believed that touching Ryujin’s hand was nothing but of normalcy. It was a tradition done by churchgoers, a gesture she has been doing with her classmates and schoolmates for the longest time. She just couldn’t quite understand the uneasiness she was feeling. She tried her best to sing instead, blocking the thoughts that wasn’t supposed to be in her head during the mass.

When the song ended, Lia hurriedly took back her hand and crossed her arms. She muttered a soft sorry under her breath, not bothering to look at Ryujin. Lia knew it was rude and unbecoming of her to act this way, but she felt weird and different, as if suddenly all eyes were on her; and she hated that feeling.

She liked being admired as a good student, being looked at as an example of excelling holistically. She did not mind being turned to when her classmates were in trouble with a subject or being looked at when she would receive her certificates and medals during the awarding in every morning assembly. She enjoyed the eyes of people being glued to her because they were of respect and admiration, and not of distaste and judgment.

But as she stood there with her hands intertwined with Ryujin’s a few moments ago, she couldn’t help but feel that all eyes were suddenly on her, as if they wanted her to go through some sort of retribution. It was all in her head of course, as everyone was looking at the altar during that time, but Lia worried that if she continued being this close to Ryujin, it wouldn’t take that much time for her thoughts to actualize into reality.

With that thought, she surmised that it would be best to stay away from Ryujin as possible as she could; and Lia began this by rushing to exit the church and head for the bathroom outside, just missing Ryujin’s attempt to exchange peace with her.


End file.
